So it has been a while since I posted, due to spiraling into a depression and a meltdown.
Just to put you on the same page as me about what I see a meltdown as. There are meltdowns and there are tantrums.
Tantrums are the freak outs normally associated with infants and often autistic individuals continue to have tantrums throughout their lives.
Meltdowns are when the individual retreats into themselves and there is next to no association with others.
Due to some unforeseen events in my life, I started to spiral into a depression which then made its way into a meltdown. Typically what happens when I have these meltdowns is I pretty much no longer answer calls, look at emails, use social networks. I become a room dweller, a neckbeard. A friend once accused me of believing myself to be a vampire because I wore long shirts and avoided daylight, (I assume this was because we had played vampire the masquerade together). Also if I had a job at the time of a meltdown, I would just stop going, wouldn't call or do anything about it. It was like I was in a full blown freeze state. I honestly feel frozen, unable to make decisions, even simple ones like showering or brushing teeth, making proper food choices, or proper amount of exercise. It was like I waited for death to come. When I was younger I was actively suicidal.
Yoga was the main thing that had helped me to stay away from these meltdowns through my 30s. But due to an injury, gerds, and some other events in my life, my practice slowly diminished till it was nonexistent for a couple months. By this time I was once again in full blown meltdown. I put on a bunch of weight which made the gerds even worse and made all forward folds immensely uncomfortable. My doctor finally put me on an acid blocker, which has been working very well. And I am once again attempting to claw my way out of a deep depression and meltdown. I feel every bit the beginner yogi I was years ago, just with a lot more knowledge on movement ( I don't need anybody to lead me through what to do, I have a ton of movement ideas). But dang do my shoulders ache after doing a few sets of sun salutations
With the extra weight on my belly and legs, I have to do my forward folds with my feet about shoulder width apart so that flow is effective. There is no way I could bring my foot from a down dog in between my hands, cause the tissues prevent it from happening. I also find wider hands in down dog to be far more comfortable for my shoulders, which I suspect is due to the added adipose and the effects it is having on my bone/tendon/ligament structure in the shoulder.
While I don't think I am yet wanting or able to do a full hour of flow yoga, I am halfway there. A handful more sessions and I should easily have brushed off my neurons and figure out a good format of practice to get myself back to a comfortable hour of movement and start to emerge from my neckbeard habits or room dwelling and being asocial.
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