Emotions have been the single hardest thing for me to understand and to engage in. Often when discussing with people and emotions come out I put up a wall of intellect, my cognition attempts to take over and to think things through and analyze them to the Nth degree. The longer I exist and the more in-touch with my body I become I realize that not all emotions can be cognitively sorted through and only through a form of non-cognition can I get in touch with these emotions. Especially concerning the emotions that others or myself inhibited when I was a young child.
My single greatest struggle has been my self worth. Self worth for me has been a roller coaster ride. Most often I intellectualize and find myself wrapping up my self worth in my intellectual capacity to converse or to seek out information. And when I start to get close to another human my self worth starts to come out and it seams that my inward way is to say my self worth is not valuable and should be abandoned, and those moments that someone is able to make me feel worthy I have engaged in destructive behaviors to reaffirm why I am not worthy of anothers love or adoration. The wholesome practice of yoga has really started to change this for me and I am now much more capable of peeking into my inward being and seeing my self worth coming out and being valued at my deepest levels. This is a daily struggle as I seam to unconsciously get anxious when I am considering my value as a lover, a friend, a family member, a teacher, a student, etc....
My practice is working and forgiveness is flowing
My practice is working and love is certain
Slowly my inner manager is allowing a greater inward expression..
Through movement and bodily awareness I am finding emotional healing.
Thank you for listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment